We were at the local Y today, my home away from home, kids taking gymnastics and swim and me on the Cybex. A torturous contraption that I put up with in part as it’s the reason I can eat and still zip my pants. But it’s one of those cross training things, legs one direction and arms the other. I’ve determined the older I get, the less coordinated I become.
I was in a bit of a rush getting off the thing- mostly due to the teenage boy next to me. His gaseous emissions wouldn’t have passed the smog tests in even the most environmentally ignorant states. He was killing me and I needed to get the kids. His last outburst made me call it a day in a hurry. In my haste, I lost my balance and stumbled. I went down flailing, one foot still on a pedal and moving away from me, like I was going to unintentionally do the splits. All the while I was mid-motion to pick up my purse with my left arm, so my right arm, in an attempt to balance out the whole mess, hit the safety rail multiple times. Some help with safety those proved to be. I made some giant moaning oaffing sound which drew the attention and appalled stares of two teenage girls who quickly looked away from the scene I was creating and did nothing. Mr. Teen Gas was oblivious to the whole mess he’d created. He could win the Mr. Manners title too. Good luck to him in finding a girlfriend.
I got it together, and headed to get the kids where I narrowly missed an opportunity to fall fully clothed into the indoor pool. Fortunately, when we got into the changing rooms, Wilson provided another moment for mothers. He ran to the bathroom and promptly yelled, “OH MY GOSH!” As I ran to his rescue, he continued yelling. “Look mommy, look! I had a really big long poo and it came out shaped like a crescent moon!” He was right, on both accounts. As I bent over to wipe his bottom, he loudly protested. “Mommy, you are covering up my moon!”
No mother would look me in the eye as we left the joint. They were all too busy trying to conceal their laughter.
Things didn’t get much better in the coordination department when I got home and took a shower. Don’t ask, as I can’t even being to explain this one, but I managed to shave off two fingernails in an attempt to shave my legs. Good news, I like them short.